The need for women’s boundaries to be recognised specifically relating to online and dating apps.

Women looking for a partner online have many things to take into consideration to try and ensure their safety, but what about being able to determine suitability before investing time and emotional energy?

There is a very simple test that can spot if men understand and respect women’s boundaries and it gives great insight into their character and potential as a partner.

Obviously, any men who send sexual messages without consent, but what about the seemingly ‘nice guys’?

Swiping left or right based on looks is only good for time saving, getting deeper into a mans profile will give you only what they want you to see. When they start talking is where they truly show who they are and how they view women.

For the past year Women Behaving Better has been conducting experiments and collating research on how men behave towards women privately when consequences are mild. The results are shocking and highlight many issues affecting women that are reflected in the wider world.

What are these tests? Simply put, they are boundaries that are perfectly acceptable and they will be enforced. Initially it began as pet names, no woman wants to be referred to as ‘babe’, ‘sexy’, ‘beautiful’ and so on in place of her name when a strange man initiates an introduction. These ‘terms of endearment’ are too over familiar. Most women (and men) know this and circumnavigate appropriately.

The interesting boundary we found and made clear on our profiles, is the simple ‘X’. Our research has found that not only do many men not understand that sending unsolicited kisses to women is creepy, but they also have no concept that it highlights their intrinsic sexism that many assume they don’t have. This is an indication into their wider expectations of women once deeper into a relationship.

How can something so simple tell us so much? Initially, it tells us that they don’t understand (or try to understand) basic boundaries. Of the many men, we have spoken to and asked: “Do you send kisses to men you don’t know when you message them?” many simply didn’t respond, with very few understanding the point immediately and apologising/bowing out. However, we were able to determine that even then they continued to send kisses when moving on to other women or indeed forgetting ones who they had messaged previously.

100% of them failed to provide a single understandable reason why they respect men’s boundaries yet have no concept of that same boundary being applicable to women.

There has been a wide variation in response such as “I’m just being polite”, “why are you so offended by a kiss?”, “you’re weird”, “why wouldn’t I send kisses to an attractive woman?”, “why would I send kisses to men? I’m straight and only after females!”, “You need medical help”, “I don’t want to be rude first and its to get your attention”, “why are you moaning/being aggressive/being unreasonable/judging me”.

So, ladies, if you want to stop wasting your time on men that ultimately view you as meat that enhances their lives, pull back and enforce those boundaries as these types, no matter what they look or sound like, will never respect you as an equal.

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