Updated: Jul 21
Before I get into this, I just want to state we are not here to talk about taking sides and this isn’t an article for praising Amber. Most importantly we are NOT dismissive of men surviving abuse or harassment and speaking out about it. We take that matter very seriously and if you are a man who’s ever in need of help or advice and you don’t know where to start, you can either message us directly through Facebook or alternatively see our resources for men’s mental health here: https://www.womenbehavingbetter.com/resources
So, we’ve all either been following the Depp/Heard trial, hiding away from it because of so many triggers, or just avoiding it all together because the world cannot resist the opportunity to mock and bully a woman who has been through legitimate abuse too.
For me personally, it’s the latter.
Celebrities go to court every other day and they NEVER get the amount of coverage this trial got. I can’t be the only one who sees this as odd?
Misogynists all over the world jumped at the opportunity to absolutely ridicule Amber. They memefied her trauma, Tiktok was flooded with people mocking videos of her crying. Again, this is not about Amber, it’s the fact that she is a woman who has been through abuse, but because she also was abusive, her trauma is completely “invalid”.
So, let me teach you about the “imperfect victim”. An imperfect victim is someone who’s suffered abuse/harassment, but because of the wrongs they have also committed, they are less likely to be believed or sympathised with. Almost like an unwritten societal rule, that you can only be a trustworthy victim if you are a perfect human being who has never made any mistakes, been taken advantage of, groomed, manipulated etc. Obviously that very sentiment is absolutely ridiculous for so many reasons.
Now if I’m being real, even when women ARE in the clear and haven’t done anything wrong in the situation, they are still called liars, attention seekers and money grabbers when they speak out anyways. So just imagine someone who is also in the wrong.
Let’s take a minute to really look at the facts. In the UK, prisoner population consists of only 4% female prisoners and 96% male. Not just that, but the number of female prisoners has remained consistent throughout the last 100 years (3112 in 1901 and 3196 in 2021), whereas for the male prisoners the numbers have risen up to 5 times as much (15,868 in 1901 compared to 75,128 in 2021). (See graph A)
In America its very similar, with 7% of prisoners being female compared to 93% male. (See graph B) But how does this affect men? Well in a study done in the US, the largest perpetrator of violence against men is other men. 65.3% were a male offender on a male victim, compared to 9.6% with a female offender on a male victim. (See graph C)
Male on male violence is one of the biggest killers. So why is nobody seriously addressing this?
There is also however a historical context on the stereotypes that women have been forced into since the beginning of time. Taking you way back and putting the mass murder of women all over the world for being “witches” to one side (not), let’s start with Adam and Eve. Adam was the first to be created, Eve made from Adams rib so he can have a companion, therefore she’s automatically inferior. She listened to the snake and not only bit the apple which led to their banishment, but also convinced Adam to have some too (like he’s not responsible for his own actions… where have we seen this before?). Let me remind you this is a religious fictional story. So many cultures were built on following the bible as a rough “guide” for society. Women were set up to fail from the very beginning. And look at all the modern stereotypes. Women are dramatic, too emotional, “that time of the month again”, only good for staying at home being housewives and raising kids. We weren’t even allowed to vote or have our own bank account. So, it baffles me how so many people still truly believe culturally ingrained and internalised misogyny is nothing but “fake news” or an exaggeration.
It’s very real.
Men are now using Amber as an example to paint any and every female victim with the same brush. This is what the #metoo backlash is.
Let’s face it, every feminist movement that has meant progress for so many of us, has been followed by backlash. It was only a matter of time for them to attack #metoo, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with two celebrities court case.
Now let me teach you about “aggrieved entitlement” (mantrums pending…).
Aggrieved entitlement is when white men can’t keep up with the times basically.
Or rather, they don’t want to. The longer the human race roams this earth and with the introduction of the internet where anyone can have a voice, there will inevitably be an increase in societal equality and therefore a loss of economic advantage for the big white man. Their reaction to seeing this tipping of the scales is nothing but anger and rage. And then the Manosphere was created. Google it. It’s a genuine collection of websites (call it a community) that breeds misogyny and sexism formed by men. Incels (which legitimately need to be labelled a terrorist organisation), the MRA, pickup artists, men going their own way (MGTOW), fathers’ rights groups (unfortunately they are split down the middle, as half of them are genuine for the cause and the other half are associated with men’s rights movements and are very anti-woman fyi). These toxic environments aren’t just dangerous for women, but men too. So many incel fuelled mass shootings have happened where a lot of men ended up as the victims. It’s also damaging for the psychological aspect. Enforcing toxic masculinity, repressing any homosexual feelings/behaviours, not facing or dealing with emotions in a healthy productive way. Why do you think the suicide rate of men compared to women is so high? (See graph D) They are taught from a young age that they need to be tough, lack emotions, not talk about feelings. They must come across physically tough, aggressive, a leader. They haven’t been given the space to speak openly and with no judgement. The Manosphre isn’t any different. They all share and celebrate a collective nihilistic view of the world, they idolise violence, depression is extremely common amongst them and they absolutely refuse to seek therapy to work through their mental illness.
So why isn’t anyone talking about all this? Its almost like the perfect set up for a gender war. Pitching us against each other via a celebrity couples trial. The sooner we learn to recognise this toxicity and address the REAL issues that need addressing, the better off we will be as a society.