Trapped with an abuser: Chapter 2

With the Roe Verses Wade issue being fresh in everyone’s minds I felt it the time to tell my story of how my husband wanted me to get an abortion.

 

Our first born came along very early in the relationship, I knew deep down he didn’t want this and offered him a choice. I was keeping the baby and he could either stick around and make it work or he could leave me to it. I was good either way. Looking back, I’d have been better off. This story isn’t about the first born though.

After our first child being demanding it took a while to adjust and even think about a second, our eldest was 6 by the time we welcomed her. My husband doted on her treated her very differently to our son I think this in part was because in his mind he chose to have her. We planned the pregnancy and had taken a year to conceive. Fast forward 5 years and we had just brought a new house, we both had good jobs that paid well,and the children were settled.


Out of the blue I fell pregnant with our youngest child, it was a huge shock and took me a little time to get my head around. My husband made it very clear he did not want another child; he even made an appointment at the family planning clinic to discuss abortion. We attended the appointment where they discussed options, at this stage a pill to end the pregnancy. I remember leaving the doctors office numb, getting into the car, and zoning out whilst he rambled on about the reasons why in his opinion, we couldn’t have another baby. Mainly financial as I would have to take time off work for maternity leave. To keep the peace, I said I needed to think about it, I was only 6 weeks pregnant at this point, so time was on our side.

After a lot of crying and soul searching, I had decided to keep my baby. I believe children arrive when they are meant to be here, I was grateful for the chance of bringing another life into the world when so many other women don’t get the chance.Don’t get me wrong I also believe women should have the choice to terminate for whatever reason they need I am by no means a ‘Pro-lifer’ it just wasn’t the right choice for me at that time as I wanted my baby.  This decision almost broke us a couple, he made it very clear that it wasn’t what he wanted. There is one sentence I will never forget “I hope you fall down the stairs and loose it” to say this to your pregnant wife is devastating. There was no emotional support whatsoever.


I was treated appallingly by him throughout the pregnancy, he wouldn’t discuss anything to do with the baby, refused to buy baby things we needed, and I had to sell my jewellery to purchase a pram. Essentially, I did all the pre-baby things alone. The pregnancy was difficult, I had gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and was just generally unwell. This meant finishing work earlier than I had hoped to, therefore he harped back to money and how this would impact our finances.

He was very money motivated, every part of our life revolved around it. I was entitled to 1 year maternity leave, I took 7 months and returned to a full-time job whilst I had 3 children and was breastfeeding. Not to mention I was working some evenings and weekends freelance hairdressing as we never had money, all whilst he sat at his laptop looking through the internet and putting in the bare minimum.

My relationships with the children suffered as I was never home. All the time I was out to work he was telling the children what a shit Mum I was, the manipulation and alienating resulted in the older two children staying with him when I eventually left him.


I will never, ever forgive him for  what he has done. For a caring, loving mother to be without their kids is utterly soul destroying, how I’m still here is a miracle, but here I am and getting stronger every day. So, fuck you!

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